1.15 You don't need to know how much I think about you

Being a mother was exactly the way Anna had imagined it to be. Every free minute, she ran over to check whether Birdy needed anything, cuddled with her for a bit, then put her back into her crib and immediately started missing her. Despite standing next to her, she physically missed her. Little Birdy was everything to her, and she couldn’t imagine her to grow up and lead her own life at some point. Luckily, there were many years to come before this would happen. 

While taking care of her daughter, she often missed out on her chores around the house, and on the horses, too. Kokette and Freebird had to occupy themselves most of the time, being ignored by Anna and only occasionally being visited by Jo, who was still busy with his job and working hard for another promotion. The only good thing was that he often practiced new songs on his guitar in the garden, so that he wouldn’t wake Birdy up. This way, the two horses at least got to listen to some pretty music, which put them in a merciful mood. When it came to Anna, they were less forgiving. She sometimes found them running away from her when she stepped out into the garden to tender them, or to put new hay out. There was grass everywhere, thus they were able to live off the land. They didn’t really need her. 

Anna reluctantly accepted that the horses didn’t depend on her, and so she turned to their “new” furniture, which, of course, they’d had to buy second hand. That resulted in poor quality, but since it was the only way to have anything at all, they had to live with the situation as it was. Every other day, the stove stopped working, and after two weeks Anna stopped counting the times the sink sprayed water everywhere. Despite her wish to live a better life than before, they were now doing worse than before.

 

At least there was still some time for bonding. And since Birdy had her own room, privacy wasn’t an issue, either.

Days ran by, some of them good, some of them not so good. Birdy still slept a lot throughout, which was something that would definitely change once she hit the toddler stage. Until then, Anna decided to give their relationship with the horses another try. After all, they were an important part of the family.

 

Before she knew it, her own birthday was approaching. Quickly. Turning forty was a big deal for her. Half of her life was already over, and what had she accomplished? She had escaped from her old life, which was essential for every other thing she had managed to do so far. Also, she had found the love of her life and had a beautiful little baby girl. This was great, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more. Her small garden refused to grow on their new property, for whatever reasons, and she felt like this was a sign. Something had to change.

And so they moved back to their old property. The house had already been torn, unfortunately, but with a little help from their neighbors, who happily welcomed them back, they managed to build something new that looked a lot like their old house here. This definitely was their home. It had always been; they had just been too blind to see it.

 

Then it was time for Birdy’s second birthday.  Anna and Jo were excited the entire day, while the birthday girl slept most of the time. She couldn’t quite grasp the concept of birthdays, but realized that there was something unnatural going on here. The biggest question, of course, was how she would look. Would she resemble her beautiful mother, or rather wear her father’s facial features? So many questions that were about to be answered within the next minutes.

In their new/old living-room, Birdy grew up into a handsome blonde girl, having inherited both her mother’s hair color and eye color. She looked exactly like her, only smaller. Anna couldn’t hide how proud she was of her little girl, but she also knew that she wanted a lot more than just this. She wanted more children to grow up in their house, looking like her or like Jo. She wanted to have a happy family.

While Jo went outside that night to clean the horses – which had developed some kind of smell –, Anna prepared everything for a romantic evening inside. She had even bought candles, despite her fear of fire. 

It had been getting colder, which is why Jo hurried to get back inside. Freebird and Kokette approved of the attention, since they had grown a little tired of being on their own all the time. After all, they were adequate members of the family. If they had been able to speak, they would probably have reported on the black car that started to drive by every night ever since they moved back. They could have told them that the car slowed down whenever they hit the street corner in front of the house, that a window rolled down, smoke was exhaled, the window was closed again, the car accelerated and vanished. Anna and Jo didn’t see any of this, but the two horses did. And they decided to defend their family.

 

No, Anna and Jo didn’t see. They were distracted by other thoughts. Thoughts on extending the family even further.